3. You Support Each Other’s Individual Growth
Strong marriages aren’t about two people becoming one—they’re about two individuals growing together while maintaining their own identities. If you encourage each other’s personal interests and goals, your relationship is healthier than most.
Why this matters: Couples who maintain separate identities and interests tend to have stronger, more satisfying marriages than those who do everything together. This might seem counterintuitive, but psychology backs it up.
What this looks like:
- You have hobbies or friends your spouse doesn’t share
- You encourage each other to pursue personal goals
- You celebrate each other’s individual achievements
- You don’t feel threatened by your partner’s interests
- You give each other space when needed
- You’re genuinely interested in what the other person is learning or doing
Real example: Maybe your spouse takes an evening class while you watch your favorite show. Or you play golf on Saturdays while they meet friends for brunch. This isn’t distance—it’s healthy independence.
Expert insight: Marriage therapist Esther Perel explains that desire in long-term relationships requires space and separateness. Couples who maintain individual interests often report higher marital satisfaction and stronger romantic connection.
Bottom line: If you don’t feel the need to be together 24/7 or share every single interest, that’s not a weakness—it’s a sign of a mature, confident relationship.
4. You Have Private Jokes and Shared History
Every strong marriage develops its own language—inside jokes, shared references, and memories that only the two of you understand. This private world you’ve created together is a powerful bond.
Why this matters: These shared experiences and private humor create a unique connection that no one else can replicate. It’s your relationship’s “secret sauce” that keeps you bonded through difficult times.
Examples of your private world:
- Phrases or words only you two understand
- Stories you’ve told so many times you both know every detail
- Nicknames that would sound silly to others
- References to shared experiences (“Remember when…”)
- Your own traditions, even small ones
- Private jokes that make you both laugh instantly
The science: Research shows that couples who reminisce together and create shared meaning have stronger relationships. These shared memories become the narrative of your relationship—your unique story.
Why it’s powerful: When life gets stressful or you face challenges, this shared history reminds you of everything you’ve been through together. It creates continuity and reinforces your identity as a couple.
Reality: If you regularly make references that would make no sense to anyone else, or if you can make your spouse laugh with just a word or look, you’ve built something truly special.
5. You Trust Each Other With Vulnerability
The strongest marriages aren’t the ones where everything is always perfect—they’re the ones where both partners feel safe being imperfect, scared, or uncertain. If you can show vulnerability without fear of judgment, your relationship is rock-solid.
Why this matters: Vulnerability is the foundation of intimacy. When you can share your fears, insecurities, and mistakes without worrying your partner will use them against you, you’ve created deep emotional safety.
What vulnerability looks like:
- Admitting when you’re scared or uncertain
- Sharing embarrassing moments or mistakes
- Crying in front of each other
- Asking for help when you need it
- Expressing doubts or insecurities
- Apologizing sincerely when you’re wrong
- Sharing dreams or fears about the future
The trust factor: This only works if you know your partner won’t mock you, dismiss your feelings, or throw your vulnerability back at you during arguments. If you have this mutual trust, you’re in the minority of couples.
Expert perspective: Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability shows that people in the strongest relationships practice vulnerability regularly. They understand that being seen—truly seen—by another person is both terrifying and essential.
6. You’re a Team When It Comes to Problems
When challenges arise—whether it’s financial stress, family drama, or health issues—do you face them together? If you naturally approach problems as teammates rather than opponents, your marriage has a powerful foundation.
Why this matters: The “us against the problem” mentality is one of the strongest predictors of marital satisfaction. When you see yourselves as partners facing life’s challenges together, you build resilience and unity.
Signs you’re a strong team:
- You say “we” and “us” more than “I” and “you”
- Problems bring you closer instead of driving you apart
- You make major decisions together
- You defend each other to others (even family)
- You consult each other before committing to things
- You celebrate wins together and comfort each other during losses
- You have each other’s backs in public, even if you disagree in private
What it looks like: When your teenager acts up, you present a united front. When money is tight, you work together on solutions rather than blaming each other. When relatives cause drama, you prioritize your spouse over your family of origin.
The data: Research from the University of California found that couples who face stress with a “we’re in this together” approach have significantly lower divorce rates and higher relationship satisfaction.
Reality check: If your first instinct during a crisis is to turn to your spouse rather than away from them, you’ve got something most couples struggle to achieve.