In a world filled with picture-perfect social media posts and romance movie expectations, it’s easy to worry that your marriage isn’t as strong as it should be. You might look at other couples and wonder if you’re missing something—the grand gestures, the constant excitement, the perfect harmony.
But here’s the truth: the strongest marriages aren’t always the most dramatic or Instagram-worthy. In fact, the real signs of a solid, lasting partnership are often subtle, everyday moments that you might not even notice.
Relationship experts say that many couples underestimate the strength of their own marriages because they’re looking for the wrong signs. They focus on what’s missing instead of recognizing the powerful foundations they’ve already built together.
If you’re wondering whether your marriage is as strong as it should be, read on. These 10 signs—backed by relationship research and marriage counselors—reveal that your relationship is probably much stronger than you think.
1. You Can Be Comfortable in Silence Together
Many people think that strong couples need to talk constantly or always be entertained together. But relationship experts say the opposite is true: the ability to simply exist together in comfortable silence is one of the strongest signs of a deep connection.
Why this matters: When you don’t feel pressure to fill every moment with conversation or activity, it shows you’re genuinely comfortable with each other. You’ve moved beyond the need to constantly impress or entertain your partner.
What it looks like:
- Reading in the same room without talking
- Driving together without needing music or conversation
- Doing separate activities side-by-side (you’re on your phone, they’re reading)
- Comfortable silences during dinner at home
- Simply sitting together enjoying coffee
The psychology: Dr. John Gottman, renowned marriage researcher, found that comfortable silence indicates secure attachment. You’re content just being in each other’s presence—no performance necessary.
Reality check: If your evenings sometimes involve you both doing your own thing in the same space without feeling disconnected, that’s not boring—that’s intimacy. You’ve reached a level of comfort that many couples never achieve.
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2. You Fight, But You Fight Fair
Here’s a surprise: happy couples don’t avoid conflict. In fact, research shows that couples who never fight often have weaker relationships than those who disagree regularly—as long as they fight constructively.
Why this matters: Conflict itself isn’t the problem; how you handle it determines your relationship’s health. If you can disagree without destroying each other emotionally, your marriage has a strong foundation.
Signs you fight fair:
- You stick to the current issue (no bringing up past mistakes)
- Neither of you resorts to name-calling or insults
- You both actually listen, not just wait for your turn to talk
- You can take breaks when things get too heated
- You eventually reach compromises or agree to disagree
- You apologize when you’re wrong
- The goal is resolution, not winning
What experts say: Dr. Gottman’s research found that it’s not whether couples fight, but how they fight that predicts divorce. Couples who avoid contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and criticism during conflicts have much stronger marriages.
The truth: If you can argue about money, in-laws, or household chores without saying things you can’t take back, you’re doing better than most couples. Healthy conflict actually strengthens relationships by building trust that you can work through difficulties together.