No one wants to believe their husband could be unfaithful. The thought alone can be devastating. But ignoring warning signs won’t make them go away—and the sooner you recognize the truth, the sooner you can decide how to move forward. If Your Husband Does These 5 things, it’s crucial to pay attention.
Marriage therapists and relationship counselors see patterns of behavior in unfaithful partners that are remarkably consistent. While no single sign proves infidelity, certain behaviors—especially when they appear together—are red flags that shouldn’t be ignored.
This article isn’t meant to create paranoia or damage trust in healthy marriages. However, if you’ve been feeling that something is “off” in your relationship, your instincts may be picking up on subtle changes that your conscious mind hasn’t yet processed.
Let’s explore the five warning signs that marriage therapists say are most commonly associated with infidelity. Understanding these patterns can help you recognize the truth and make informed decisions about your marriage.
Important note: These signs don’t guarantee cheating, but they do warrant honest conversation with your spouse.
1. Sudden Changes in Phone Behavior (The Biggest Red Flag)
According to marriage therapists, changes in how your husband handles his phone are often the first and most obvious sign of infidelity. In the digital age, phones have become the primary tool for secret communication.
Warning signs to watch for:
He’s suddenly protective of his phone:
- Takes it everywhere, even to the bathroom
- Keeps it face-down constantly
- Angles the screen away from you when using it
- Gets nervous or defensive if you’re near when he’s texting
- Changed his passcode and won’t share it (when he used to)
- Deletes texts and call logs frequently
Changed notification settings:
- Turned off message previews on lock screen
- Put phone on silent constantly
- Changed notification sounds so you won’t hear messages
- Uses “Do Not Disturb” mode more often
Strange calling/texting patterns:
- Steps outside or into another room to take calls
- Texts more than usual, especially at odd hours
- Gets calls or texts late at night or early morning
- Quickly switches screens when you walk by
- Has a “work phone” that seems to get a lot of personal use
Why therapists flag this: Dr. Shirley Glass, a renowned infidelity researcher, found that 82% of affairs she studied involved secretive phone behavior. In her book “Not Just Friends,” she explains that phones provide the perfect tool for maintaining secret relationships—instant communication, easy deletion of evidence, and constant access.
What’s normal vs. what’s concerning:
Normal:
- Wanting some privacy occasionally
- Not sharing every text conversation
- Having a phone passcode for security
Concerning:
- Dramatic, sudden changes in phone behavior
- Extreme secrecy where there was none before
- Defensive or angry reactions when asked about the changes
- Obvious efforts to hide phone content from you
The “work excuse”: Many unfaithful partners claim increased phone use is work-related. While this can be legitimate, watch for:
- “Work” calls at midnight
- “Work” texts that make him smile inappropriately
- “Work” calls he takes in the car or outside
- Refusal to put phone calls on speaker when asked
What to do: If phone behavior has changed dramatically, it warrants a calm, direct conversation: “I’ve noticed you’ve become very protective of your phone lately. That’s not like you. Is there something going on we should talk about?”
Trust your gut: If his explanation doesn’t feel right or makes you feel like you’re being gaslit, pay attention to that instinct.
2. Unexplained Changes in Schedule and “Disappearances”
When someone is having an affair, they need time to see the other person. This creates gaps in their schedule that require explanations—often inconsistent or implausible ones.
Red flags in scheduling:
New “obligations” that appear suddenly:
- Working late more often (when this wasn’t necessary before)
- New gym schedule or fitness routine (especially at odd hours)
- Volunteering for business trips enthusiastically
- New hobby that takes him away regularly
- “Guys’ nights” that happen more frequently
- “Errands” that take much longer than they should
Inconsistencies and vague explanations:
- Can’t clearly explain where he was or who he was with
- Details change when asked again later
- Gets defensive when asked simple questions about his whereabouts
- Time doesn’t add up (says he was at the gym for 3 hours)
- Location doesn’t match what he said (car was parked somewhere else)
Avoidance of family time:
- Suddenly “too busy” for regular family activities
- Finds excuses to skip events he previously enjoyed
- Volunteers to do solo errands when you could go together
- Seems eager to leave the house
Technology tells the truth:
- GPS location on phone doesn’t match where he says he was
- Credit card charges from places he didn’t mention
- Social media check-ins that contradict his story
- Car mileage doesn’t match the distance to where he claimed to be
Why therapists flag this: Marriage therapist Dr. Scott Haltzman explains that affairs require time, planning, and deception. Creating believable excuses for absences is one of the most challenging aspects of infidelity, which is why stories often don’t quite add up.
What’s normal vs. concerning:
Normal:
- Occasionally working late during busy periods
- Having individual hobbies and interests
- Sometimes forgetting minor details about their day
Concerning:
If Your Husband Does These 5: Understanding the Signs of Infidelity
- Sudden, dramatic changes in schedule without good explanation
- Patterns of unaccounted-for time
- Defensiveness when asked simple questions
- Stories that don’t make logical sense
- Multiple instances where the explanation doesn’t match the evidence
The gut check: Your instincts are probably picking up on inconsistencies even if you can’t articulate exactly what’s wrong. Women’s intuition about infidelity is remarkably accurate.
You might also like to read : 7 Body Language Signs Someone Truly Loves You (According to Psychologists)
3. Dramatic Shift in Intimacy (Either More or Less)
Contrary to popular belief, changes in sexual behavior during an affair don’t always mean less sex. Sometimes it means more, and sometimes it means different. Any dramatic, unexplained shift in your intimate life can be a warning sign.
Sexual changes that indicate infidelity:
Decreased intimacy:
- Suddenly has little or no interest in sex
- Makes excuses constantly
- Seems distant or disconnected during intimacy
- Can’t maintain arousal or performance issues appear
- Acts like sex with you is a chore
- Rejects affection (kissing, cuddling, hand-holding)
Increased intimacy (guilt response):
- Suddenly more interested in sex than usual
- Initiates more frequently out of the blue
- Seems to be “performing” or trying harder
- Buys you unexpected gifts or is overly affectionate
- Acts like he’s making up for something
Changed preferences or techniques:
- Wants to try new things he never mentioned before
- Different approach or technique in bed
- Requests things he previously wasn’t interested in
- Uses moves or positions that seem “learned” elsewhere
- Calls you by the wrong name (or stops saying your name)
Emotional disconnection:
- Sex feels mechanical or emotionless
- Won’t make eye contact during intimacy
- Seems distracted or like his mind is elsewhere
- No longer interested in the emotional connection part
- Treats you more like a physical release than a partner
Why therapists flag this: Dr. Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist specializing in infidelity, explains that affairs dramatically impact a couple’s sexual dynamic. Some cheaters lose interest in their spouse because their needs are being met elsewhere. Others increase sexual activity out of guilt or to avoid suspicion. Still others bring “learned behaviors” from the affair into the marital bedroom.
What’s normal vs. concerning:
Normal:
- Natural ebbs and flows in sexual frequency
- Decreased interest during stressful times
- Wanting to try new things you’ve discussed together
Concerning:
- Dramatic, sudden changes with no obvious explanation
- Changes that coincide with other suspicious behaviors
- Rejection that feels personal or hurtful
- Emotional disconnection during physical intimacy
- Introduction of preferences he’s never expressed before
The bigger picture: While sexual changes alone don’t prove infidelity, combined with other signs on this list, they paint a concerning picture. Affairs fundamentally alter the intimate dynamic of a marriage.
Medical considerations: Rule out medical causes (low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, medications, stress) before assuming the worst. These legitimate issues can cause sexual changes that have nothing to do with infidelity.
What to do: Express your concerns without accusations: “I’ve noticed our intimate life has changed significantly. I’m worried about us. Can we talk about what’s going on?”